DEAR ABBY: I’m a single parent, and my kids’ grandfather (my father-in-law) has offered to watch them at his house once a week.
I would love to take him up on it because it would help me keep up with all of my responsibilities. But I hesitate because he wasn’t an involved father, so he has no parenting experience.
For example, he struggles with conflict management between the kids (and his own temper). He has no sense; I do not trust he knows what or when to feed the kids. Also, his house is a complete mess — he never throws anything away.
My kids enjoy spending time with him, and we don’t have much family, so I’d like to foster their relationships.
How do I maximize the good and minimize the bad of their visits? How do I support him doing the best by my children without me being overbearing?
— MOM WITH HELP
DEAR MOM: Some of the issues you raise can be resolved by simply talking to your father-in-law and telling him how you resolve conflicts between the kids, what you want them fed and when.
A messy house is different from one that could have a negative impact upon their health. How bad is it? Does the place pose a danger to your children? Is it possible that he could babysit at your house rather than his?
Regarding his temper, however, are you absolutely sure he won’t abuse your children if he loses it? If the answer to that question is no, then babysitting cannot be allowed.
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a hairstylist for a decade. During the last couple of years, I don’t feel I’ve gotten the service I deserve.
I go in for a trim about every two months (sometimes longer to save money). She is extremely busy and sometimes delegates “green” hairstylists to wash and blow-dry my hair.
I appreciate that she gives new hairstylists a chance to get experience, but last time two different people worked on my hair in addition to her, and it took an hour and a half for a simple trim. On top of that, she charged me an extra $10, plus I like to tip everyone properly (a little something for the associates, with 20% going to her).
Sometimes, she’s a little late for appointments. And the last time I asked for a different hairstyle, she gave pushback because “I wouldn’t take care of it.”
I’m ready to move on to someone new and a new hairstyle.
What is the proper way to break up with your hairstylist? I would like to do it in person, but it could be awkward, and she could get angry. Should I give an extra tip?
— HAIRY SITUATION IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HAIRY SITUATION: You are not this stylist’s friend; you are her client. You have every right to change stylists, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for doing so.
If you feel you must give her a reason, tell her the truth on the phone or in person.
You are within your rights to make a change if you wish. It shouldn’t create ill feelings, and you don’t have to give her a farewell tip.
[The hairstylist breakup is, apparently, a common problem.]
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.