DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have four kids, so there are many, many appointments to make and keep. We both have full-time jobs, so we split up the responsibilities by category; I get the pediatrician visits, and he does orthodontist and dentist. This works fine for me, but for some reason, these offices are stubbornly unwilling to communicate with him as a parent.
No matter who is listed as the contact person, they always call me — the mother. The dentist is particularly bad. They have my husband listed as the main contact. He’s the one who makes all the appointments and takes the kids. My name is listed only as an emergency contact, but they still call me with all the reminders and schedule changes. If I don’t respond, they text me repeatedly.
One time, my husband was late getting to their office, and they called and yelled at me about his lateness. I said I wasn’t sure what they expected me to do about his being late. (I was on a business trip and out of state that day.)
We have explained multiple times that he is the person they need to talk to, and that I am not involved in these appointments. We’ve even had them put notes in the kids’ records, but they still call me first. Do you have suggestions about how to overcome this bias (that doesn’t include me taking over the whole family calendar)? — IGNORED IN DELAWARE
DEAR IGNORED: I certainly do. It appears someone in this dental practice is tone deaf. Rather than discuss this (again) with the office staff, you or your husband should complain directly to the dentist. Tell them this is a mistake that happens repeatedly and that if it happens one more time, you will take your business elsewhere. Then follow through.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of 58 years is an alcoholic, but not a mean one. He used to be the life of the party, but now his days consist of playing games on the computer and going to his friend’s house to drink. He has lost so much weight. He used to like to go places, but no longer. The kids have noticed the changes and so have the grandchildren. I am at my wits’ end because I don’t know what the matter is. His doctors say he’s fine, but he’s not. What can I do now? — OUT OF IDEAS IN TEXAS
DEAR OUT: Your husband may need a second opinion about his health. While there may be nothing physically wrong with him (yet), it appears there may be plenty wrong with him emotionally. He may suffer from depression. He may need to be evaluated neurologically or psychologically.
Something has driven his change in behavior, but no one can solve what’s wrong until you get to the bottom of it. You may be able to gain insight by attending some Al-Anon meetings and discussing this with others who are in the same boat. You can find them at al-anon.org/info.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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