DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married a long time. My in-laws have been a problem during my entire marriage. I’ve had serious health issues and a lot of surgeries over the past 10 years. My cancer came back, and I had to have colon surgery just to name one.
Most recently, I had hand surgery. When my in-laws found out, they couldn’t stop laughing at me. When one of them saw me again, she laughed and asked, “Any more planned?” I didn’t answer; I just walked away. I want to cut them out of my life. My husband is not supportive. Am I wrong? — RECOVERING IN INDIANA
DEAR RECOVERING: Your in-laws have a sarcastic sense of humor and no empathy. I can’t blame you for wanting to protect yourself, especially since your husband is unwilling to protect you from his family’s hurtful reaction. Avoiding people who hurt you is healthy, and you would not be wrong to do it. If you want to take a step back, do so.
DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, my wife’s nephew needed a car. His parents had poor credit at that time. I took him to a car dealer, where he found a car, and I didn’t hesitate to cosign the loan. He paid the loan off on time.
I am now in financial difficulty, and one possibility for me would be to refinance my car loan. When I suggested the nephew could cosign for me, there was an instant and emphatic “NO!” from his parents. Abby, this nephew is an adult and can make his own financial decisions. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart. Was I wrong to suggest that idea? — REFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR REFUSED: Considering that you had cosigned on a car loan to help this nephew, I can understand why you thought he would return the favor. That your wife’s family stepped in and nixed it is peculiar. Since your nephew is now an adult, he should have been the one who told you he wasn’t comfortable cosigning with you. I don’t blame you for feeling hurt.
DEAR ABBY: I was recently let go from my job at a Christian school. It was heartbreaking, and I’m still crying because of it. The problem is, we attend the church the Christian school is associated with. I’m struggling with going back to church. I don’t think I can bring myself to walk through those doors again. I know if I see the school administrators at church, I will cry. I’m not sure how to stop the sadness. How can I move past this? — CAN’T MOVE ON IN IDAHO
DEAR CAN’T MOVE: Were you told why you were being terminated from your job? I’m sorry you didn’t share it. Your reason for not wanting to return to that church is understandable. You don’t have to see those administrators again. Contact the school online or by phone and ask for a letter of recommendation to help you find a job elsewhere. Then move past this by joining another congregation.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)