DEAR ABBY: I have been unlucky in love ever since I started dating, and I’m feeling like I just can’t put myself out there again. My last relationship looked promising — I even saw a wedding on the horizon — but my partner cheated on me, and it all fell apart. Now I’m scared. This is just the latest in a long string of bad relationships. How can I keep dating if I’m feeling so hopeless? Am I just not cut out for the “married with 2.5 kids” life? — FAILURE IN OREGON
DEAR FAILURE: Considering your mindset, I’m not sure you should be dating right now. Your time might be better spent trying to figure out what went wrong in each of those failed relationships, because your problem may not be the kind of men you are attracting, but those you are attracted TO.
If there are common denominators among those men in your past, it would benefit you to recognize what they are so you won’t be hurt again. In the meantime, occupy yourself with friends and activities you enjoy. It’s an effective way to combat depression, and it may also give you an opportunity to make some new acquaintances.
DEAR ABBY: When my husband, “Sid,” was a young adult, his mother died by suicide. A few years later, when his maternal grandparents died, his mother’s two siblings inherited his grandparents’ estate. Other family members have commented that it seemed wrong for Sid and his sister to be disinherited from their mother’s share of the estate. Because Sid and his sister were young adults, they didn’t have enough confidence or support to question their aunt and uncle. Their father was out of the picture.
Forty years later, this is still a source of pain for Sid and his sister. They feel they were intentionally disinherited, while their closest relatives act like nothing is wrong. Is there a way to approach the family to resolve this pain? — SAD FOR SID IN NEVADA
DEAR SAD: I strongly suspect that that ship sailed 40 years ago. However, I am not a lawyer. Your husband and his sister should ask an attorney who specializes in wills, estates and trusts this question to see what exactly happened back then and if anything can be done now to change it.
DEAR ABBY: I will turn 18 in six months. I know I should be happy, but to be completely honest with you, I’m scared to become an adult. I don’t feel I’m ready to grow up and leave my childhood behind. What should I do? What CAN I do? — UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY
DEAR UNHAPPY: What, precisely, are you afraid of? All people do not mature at the same rate. It takes some individuals until they are well over the age of 21 to assume the responsibilities of being an adult. Others are ready at 18, provided they have already been given some responsibilities by their parents. The insecurities you are experiencing are things you should be talking about with them. You might also discuss this with a trusted teacher or counselor at school. If you do, you may realize that you are far from alone in the feelings you are having.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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