DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law thinks he is good with his hands. He built a deck on the back of his house, and it’s obvious that he’s not a professional.
My husband and I have never sat on his deck because it doesn’t look safe. (Others have said the same thing.)
He bragged to me about how he got away with not having to pull any permits and never had the city inspect it while he was building it. He also didn’t have it inspected when it was finished.
I’m afraid someday someone is going to be sitting on his deck and it’s going to collapse, and people will get hurt.
I’m afraid if I call the city to report it and the city shows up at his house or sends him a letter or calls him, he will find out who reported him, even if I say I wish to remain anonymous. (The city records all phone calls, and they also have caller ID.)
When I tried talking to him about this, he told me to stay out of it because it’s none of my business. So, do I just keep my mouth shut and hope no one gets hurt?
— CONCERNED RELATIVE IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR RELATIVE: Please do not keep your mouth shut!
Right now, the weather may be too cold for your brother-in-law to do any entertaining on that deck. But next time he is hosting friends and family, there could be an accident that might change lives forever. This needs to be reported before someone is severely injured or killed.
DEAR ABBY: I’m falling for a man at church. I’m a widow, and he’s a widower. We have been seeing each other for about two months.
We talk for hours on the phone and in person. He’s a writer, poet and musician. He reads me poems and Bible verses and even sings to me. We both are laughing and happy.
Unfortunately, I have a lot more money than he does. He knows I have a nice older car, but he hasn’t seen my condo. I’m afraid he won’t like me if he finds out I have a lot of money.
I want to help him update his apartment since it’s very humble, and I don’t know how to do it.
I want to be honest with him and help him, but I’m afraid it will change things and that money will put a wall between us. Any advice you have will be helpful.
— PERPLEXED IN FLORIDA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Keep your mouth shut and your wallet closed.
You have been seeing this man for only two months, and while you may think you are falling for him, he may not have fallen for you yet. Do not redecorate anyone’s apartment before you are in a committed relationship, if then.
The time to discuss what financial assets you both have would be when there is talk of marriage, and the place for that talk might be your attorney’s or CPA’s office. I cannot stress this too strongly.
TO MY IRISH READERS: Happy St. Patrick’s Day! “May the most you wish for be the least you get. May the best times you’ve ever had be the worst you will ever see.” Love, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.