DEAR ABBY: I’m fortunate that most of my neighbors are kind and considerate. We’ve all enjoyed sharing each other’s celebrations.
However, there’s one family among the five households that we’ve never managed to connect with on a personal level. Despite our efforts, such as giving gifts and food, they have always been unresponsive. While there’s no animosity, there is also no rapport.
In the past six months, an issue has arisen that’s becoming increasingly troublesome.
Their garage is so packed with belongings that they park their car outside. Unfortunately, the car has an extremely sensitive alarm system that goes off multiple times during the night. I have witnessed it being triggered by their cat jumping on the car. The alarm sounds for 15 to 20 seconds, and it’s loud enough to interrupt sleep, which has been an ongoing problem.
I consider myself a generally easygoing person, but this is frustrating.
What’s the most respectful way to address this issue with the family, given that we’ve had limited interaction with them?
— SLEEPY IN BELLEVUE, WASHINGTON
DEAR SLEEPY: Write the couple a note and explain that for the last six months their car alarm has been waking you up. Point out that the cause may be their cat jumping on the vehicle in the wee hours of the morning, and ask if the alarm can be set to be less sensitive or if their furry family member can be kept inside.
They won’t know there is a problem if you don’t communicate that there is one. (I wonder how the rest of the neighbors feel about this?)
If the disturbance continues, you will have to report it as a nuisance to the homeowners association, if there is one, or to the police as a last resort. You have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: I am 66 years old and have been diagnosed with moderately aggressive prostate cancer. I will start radiation therapy soon.
My wife knows about it and has been very supportive, but we have not shared it with my children, siblings, relatives or friends.
One of the reasons for keeping quiet was that my daughter-in-law was expecting their first child, and I didn’t want to ruin their joy. Now the baby is here, and I’m still not comfortable informing them.
What is your opinion? Should I tell them, keep it a secret or let my wife tell them afterward, should I not survive the treatment?
— SECRETIVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SECRETIVE: To tell or not to tell is a very personal decision. It might depend upon your reason for not wanting anyone to know about your diagnosis.
Consider tabling the announcement until you have started treatment and see how challenging it may (or may not) be.
If you need emotional support, you may want to tell those close to you what’s going on or join a cancer support group.
It would be unfair to your wife to make her delay informing your children, siblings, relatives, etc. until after you are gone because she would be blamed for keeping your condition from them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.