DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters. Our mother passed away last year after a bad fall. I was her primary caretaker and was with her every day. The other two sisters were not speaking to her at all, which hurt her deeply. She had dementia but still missed them and would talk about them often. It was all very sad.
When Mom died, my older sister wouldn’t tell her goodbye. She didn’t attend the funeral and said to everyone who would listen that she wasn’t sad. My younger sister arrived — late — for the funeral. Afterward, they attacked me — screaming, cursing, etc. They were angry over small things, like the fact that I used my older sister’s maiden name in a DRAFT of Mom’s obituary.
I cut them off and have stopped speaking to them and to the rest of the family. I want no details about my life getting back to them, giving them reason to attack me again. The problem is that my entire family is now gone. I am so sad. Not only did I lose my mother, but everyone else as well. Should I approach them? — WORSE THAN GRIEF IN GEORGIA
DEAR WORSE: I would advise against approaching your sisters again, for the reasons you stated. If you wish to contact extended family, reach out with the understanding that anything you tell them will likely drift back to your sisters. Because your siblings are so unpleasant, it may make more sense for you to concentrate your energies on deepening the friendships you have with others.
DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with “Ted” for a little over a year. We spend a lot of time together — nearly every day. I spend time at his house, and we often go to the park or go out to eat together. After all this time he has never asked to become friends on Facebook, although I’ve hinted about it to him a few times.
Yesterday, we were both a few glasses of sangria in when he began showing me photos from his Facebook page. When I asked him why we weren’t Facebook friends, he changed the subject. When I told him it hurts my feelings that he doesn’t want to be Facebook friends, he got angry and wouldn’t acknowledge my question. The evening was over after that.
This isn’t the first time I’ve expressed concern over something, and it’s also not the first time he has refused to acknowledge my feelings over something like this. What should I do? — LIMITED FRIEND IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR LIMITED FRIEND: I don’t know why Ted prefers to hide his Facebook content and neither do you. People have a right to some privacy. If the only glimpses of his FB are those he shares with you on his phone, there may be images there that he prefers you not see. This would also explain why he is adamant about not discussing it. What you need to do now is decide how important this issue is to you and act accordingly.
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