In 2019, Erika Mahoney was working as a reporter at KAZU Public Radio — a National Public Radio member station in Monterey, Calif. and she loved everything about it: the people, the work, the community. Then one evening, her phone blew up with calls from NPR. There was an active shooter in Gilroy, Calif. — a small town east of Santa Cruz. Three people were killed, 17 others wounded and Mahoney was asked to report live.
“That was a moment I had dreamed of since I was a little girl, to be on national news, and it was so heartbreaking to me that this was going to be the story that would define my debut,” Mahoney said.
Mahoney said she still remembers the fear on people’s faces that day, the heartbreak at the unification center, and the grief felt at the vigil.
Then, two years later, her phone blew up again; her dad, Kevin, had been returning his cart at the Table Mesa King Soopers when he had been chased down and killed by a gunman.
“I found myself on the other side of the story,” Mahoney said. “I’ll never forget the day of, watching the press conference at the Table Mesa shopping center, watching the journalists out there, set up around the podium and thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m not covering this, I’m living it.’”
Since March 22, 2021, Mahoney has had to face the same fear, heartbreak, and grief that she saw people experience years prior. Now, almost four years after her dad was killed, Mahoney is stepping back into her role as a journalist with plans to release a limited series podcast called “Senseless” about the aftermath of a mass shooting.
“This story strives to tell what happens after tragedy. Those days, months and years, when we’re living our lives but we’re still affected by this everyday but maybe the story itself has faded from the headlines,” Mahoney, 34, said. “It’s really giving insight into the pain that these mass shootings cause. It’s a massive web of pain.”
‘I hope this podcast can be a glimmer of hope’
Mahoney said the podcast, which is set to come out this spring, will be structured as a narrative and listeners will hear from a number of people impacted by the shooting, including a King Soopers employee who became a hero in a matter of seconds; shoppers who survived; an ER staff member at a local hospital; and Boulder County District Attorney Michael Dougherty.
“It’s really interesting to learn how this singular event affected so many people in so many different ways. It really is that web of pain,” Mahoney said. “But primarily, the podcast is about how we move forward after tragedy; how a community picks up the pieces after a mass shooting and zeroing in on Boulder and giving hope. We’re living in a really uncertain time, there’s a lot of change coming on the horizon, so I hope this podcast can be a glimmer of hope next year.”
Mahoney said the idea for the podcast first came to her when she moved back to the Boulder area from California in February. Mahoney said she returned due to the approaching trial and the desire to be near family again and feel closer to her dad.
Mahoney said the move was hard at first.
“Suddenly I was driving by King Soopers, which brought up a lot of hard memories. But once I got past that initial shock of ‘OK, I’m living in a place where my dad was killed in a mass shooting,’ I started to just see the beauty of Boulder, see the mountains, and be reminded of special memories,” Mahoney said. “I just look at those mountains and see my dad.”
Along with feeling reconnected with her father, Mahoney said she found that by moving home she became closer with the other victims’ family members and survivors.
“This project is my way of turning pain into purpose and it’s been really healing,” Mahoney said. “The stories that I’ve learned are motivating. To keep going and to find hope.”
Mahoney later added, “I feel like our group of people is really special. We all have different opinions, we’ve all handled our grief differently, we’ve all handled our trauma differently, but we’re all there for each other, no matter those differences.”
Dougherty came to know the victims and their families well over the years.
“I’ve seen some of the families really connect on a personal level with one another, including and especially during the trial,” Dougherty said. “The time they spent together and the support they provided to one another was really incredible.”
‘I’m figuring out how to move forward’
On Sept. 23, Ahmad Alissa was found guilty of 10 counts of first-degree murder, 38 counts of attempted first-degree murder, one count of first-degree assault, six counts of felony possession of a prohibited large capacity magazine, and 38 crime-of-violence sentence enhancers in connection with the shooting. He was sentenced to 10 life sentences, running consecutively, plus another 1,334 years. When Mahoney heard guilty be read out in the courtroom, she folded over herself in relief and cried.
“Hearing ‘guilty,’ I’ll never forget that sigh of relief that ran through the courtroom,” Mahoney said. “But at the same time, it doesn’t bring my dad back.”
Dougherty said just because a criminal case comes to an end it doesn’t mean the trauma and loss that a victim’s family has suffered ends.
“Although families often look to the justice system to provide some sort of closure, some answers and hopefully some justice, it doesn’t mean the void left behind is filled, and they have to live with that for the rest of their lives,” Dougherty said.
Mahoney said the trial was brutal to sit through and she had to miss several days after seeing the surveillance video of her dad being killed. Along with that imagery always being with her, Mahoney said the shooting has caused her to always look for the nearest exit in grocery stores and struggle with anxiety at public events.
“What I hope the podcast does it open eyes to the real pain, the lasting pain that these events cause,” Mahoney said.
While the podcast is primarily focused on handling trauma, it will include some conversations regarding gun reform. However, Mahoney said she’s not at a point in her life right now where she’d call herself an activist.
“I will never move on from what happened but I’m figuring out how to move forward,” Mahoney said. “Whether someone listening has been affected by a mass shooting or not, tragedy and trauma affect all of us.”
Added Dougherty, “To me, it’s remarkable when victims are able to take unimaginable loss and turn it into an energy to try to make positive change.”
The editor on the podcast, Krista Almanzan, was Mahoney’s editor when she was working in California.
“(This podcast) has such a broad audience across the country because sadly, so many people are affected by this. The more we understand that, the more we can figure out how to deal with it,” Almanzan said.
Daniel Weidlein is the music producer on the podcast and attended Fairview High School with Mahoney. He said his goal is to provide a musical “access point” for listeners to tap into so that will allow them to connect with Mahoney and her guests.
“We’re certainly aware that mass shootings are apart of living in America,” Weidlein said. “Boulder has always felt like this beautiful safe haven bubble that felt like it was exempt from that and that bubble was shattered for all of us in an instant. That’s heartbreaking and in some ways it’s grounding to say that this is part of the American experience and this is something we can’t turn a blind eye to. This is something that is immediate and urgent and needs to be talked about. I want the music to have that urgency also.”
Weidlein added that he hopes the podcast will humanize the people affected by mass shootings after the sensationalism.
“The power of a podcast like this is to humanize it and to keep the conversation going in a rooted, emotional, on-going way,” Weidlein added.
Mahoney said the name, “Senseless” is not only a reference to how people describe gun violence, but a calling for “common-sense gun laws” and a reflection of how mass murder leaves communities and survivors feeling numb.
Mahoney received a grant that helped fund her podcast through the Boulder County arts alliance as well as donations through a Kickstarter campaign, of which she has received $7,585 as of Dec. 16.
She said since her father’s death she’s especially struggled on his birthday and the anniversary of the shooting. However, on Dec. 5, Mahoney and her family got together to celebrate what would be her dad’s 65th birthday — with cake and all.
“For the first time I felt like I could celebrate his birthday,” Mahoney said, adding, “It takes time to get to that place.”
She continued, “But with the trial behind us and approaching now, the fourth anniversary of the shooting, I’m able to kind of remember the happy memories more and not just want to cry when I think about my dad. I’m actually starting to smile and that’s huge honestly, that’s huge.”
In her free time, Mahoney spends time with her mom, brother, two young kids and husband, has joined her high school alumni choir and has gotten involved with Moms Demand Action.
“After what I’ve gone through I’ve learned that really being present is so important and being grateful for the things we do have. Life can change in an instant, so as present as we can be, even when there’s a ton of noise out in the world, is vital,” Mahoney said.
Mahoney does not yet have an exact release date for the podcast or confirmation on which platforms it will be streamed on. She plans to release updates on her Instagram account, @eri_mahoney.