Dear Ismael,
How can I support a friend who is about to be evicted from his apartment? He is way behind on rent and doesn’t seem to be able to find enough employment opportunities to pay all his bills. I’m considering lending him money, but am worried I won’t get paid back.
— Concerned Friend in Avondale
Dear Concerned Friend,
There are ways to financially help our loved ones that don’t involve us going straight to the ATM. But let me start by saying this: Any time you lend money to a friend or family member — whether it’s $20 or $2,000 — do it with no expectations of ever seeing that money again. Or things could get messy and personal.
“If you pay me back, good. If not, no worries. I just wanted to help you out.”
This mentality will minimize any chances of a falling-out between you two, and make it a no-stress agreement. A good and thankful friend would pay you back whenever they can. A good and patient friend would not want to add more pressure to someone who is already struggling.
Also, before putting money into the mix, consider alternative ways to support your friend till he gets back on his feet.
Offer him your couch. Offer to help him apply for jobs. Offer to help him apply for rent assistance programs from the city or state.
If there really is no choice other than lending him money (and you really need the money back), you can set hard deadlines and make it strictly a business transaction. Be sure to put the agreement down on paper, in case you need to take your friend to court. I suggest you be realistic and generous with the payment plan and timeline. If your friend is struggling, chances are you won’t get the money back in a few weeks, or when he gets his first or second paycheck.
If you urgently need the money back, ask yourself, “Am I really in a position to help someone out right now?”
It’s hard. But even when our loved ones are struggling in front of us, we have to think about our own financial security first.
I can’t afford brunch anymore, ideas on other activities to do with friends?
Dear Ismael,
I am not financially in a place where I can meet up with friends at Sunday brunch but my friends don’t seem to understand. Before I became a stay-at-home mom, I was meeting up with friends weekly but now that my finances have dramatically changed, I cannot spend $20+ on one meal. Some friends understand while others take it personal and assume I don’t want to spend time with them. How do I tell them I can’t spend much money? What are other activities I can do with them instead?
—On a Budget in Lake View
Dear On a Budget,
No one likes a friend who can’t hang, but then friends who come out with limited funds are sometimes judged for killing the vibe.
The good thing is that you have a few affordable options to stay in the loop with your friends, and they all start with being honest (and them being understanding) about your current budget restrictions.
First, you can plan to treat yourself to brunch with friends once a month, or every other month. Whatever works for you. You deserve it. If that cadence isn’t enough and your friends want more face time with you, ask them where you can meet them before or after they eat. Friend time doesn’t have to be strictly at brunch.
Lastly, offer a different way to spend time together, like a barbecue at the park, for example. Everyone can pitch in about $10. If your friends have money for brunch every Sunday, maybe they can put in $40 each and it can be a great barbecue. It’s a different bonding experience, and you can bring along the family.
Write to Someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.