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Anna Kendrick discusses gaslighting, trauma dumping & her abusive relationship

Anna Kendrick is currently promoting the Netflix movie Woman of the Hour. It’s a film based on the true story of serial killer Rodney Alcala, who appeared on The Dating Game in the 1970s at the height of his killing spree. Anna plays Cheryl, a contestant on The Dating Game, and Anna stepped in as director when the original director left the project. Anna is still feeling really raw – in 2022, she spoke about leaving a long-term relationship which had been emotionally and psychologically abusive. Because of that abuse, Anna basically can’t do comedies or anything lighthearted anymore, and she’s working through that years-long abuse through her art and her interviews. She recently spoke to the Independent about the past relationship and Woman of the Hour – some highlights:

Feeling unsafe is a universal experience for women: “Unfortunately, I do know that moment where you’re in a room with someone and wondering: ‘How is it that 10 seconds ago I thought everything was going fine, and now I’m not safe?’ And I think that’s something a lot of people know really well. Especially women.”

Her past relationship: In 2022, Kendrick began to speak publicly about her relationship with a man whom she has described as “for all intents and purposes my husband”. They were together for just over six years, during which – she has alleged – she experienced “emotional abuse and psychological abuse”…It’s hard to talk about Kendrick’s work without talking about her personal life, too. She agrees, even if a part of her hates it. “For a second, I did think that interviews for this film would just involve me being asked about every member of the cast and the crew, and I’d just gush about them and… But so far, no one’s asked me about the sound team.”

The misogyny within ‘Woman of the Hour’: “It does feel like the most revealing piece of work I’ve ever done. It created a window into my mind. Sometimes the most torturous thing isn’t just the disrespect or mistreatment, but the fact that everyone’s acting like it’s not happening. Which then convinces you that something’s not happening. It makes you question whether you’re making all of it up, or if you’re being paranoid or too sensitive.” She’s talking about gaslighting. “You sound crazy. You’re dismissed. ‘He brushed your hair off your shoulder – that’s nothing.’ And yet when you’re there, you can feel the threat that’s hanging in the room.”

Why she took a break from acting & can’t do comedies anymore: “I think I’d hit a point of critical mass, where it felt like…I think what was happening at that time was I was being forced into a place of performance and dishonesty in my private life. I just couldn’t spend another second breathing dishonest air.” She remembers a period of trauma-dumping on random strangers. “It’s a literal true story that, in the aftermath of this really traumatic relationship, my plumber came over and asked how I’d been, and I just told him everything. I physically couldn’t continue performing.”

Whether her recent roles have felt cathartic: “Ooh, I think catharsis is dangerous. For me, anyway. It brings me very welcome relief, but so far it’s always been a bit temporary. I was about to say that I need to forgive myself for ever feeling doubt or sadness, but that implies that I’m doing something wrong. When those feelings do creep back in, the worst thing I can do is go, ‘Goddammit, Anna! I thought we were over this,’ you know? I need to just experience it more as a neutral thing that’s happening. That it’s something out of my control. I certainly don’t enjoy it, but it’s not a character failing either.”

[From The Independent]

What she says about the gaslighting being worse is interesting, and obviously, that’s part of what she dealt with in her abusive relationship. That guy was gaslighting her like crazy, she didn’t feel safe in her own home and whenever she tried to address those feelings, he would gaslight her or she would gaslight herself and tell herself that it was nothing, she was making things up. It was absolutely worse in the 1970s, and make no mistake, it’s still really f–king horrific for women today, but I do feel like we, as a society, have gotten better at clocking the bullsh-t and calling it out? Incremental changes and more open conversations about sexism, obviously.

Also: during this promo tour, Anna is talking again about her statement “Motherhood isn’t for me.” She still doesn’t want to have kids and she’s embraced the “childless cat lady” brand.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images, Backgrid, Leah Gallo/Netflix








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