OK, people, I know this has been a painful time, politically speaking. Sulking is fine, but let’s make sure we’re sulking with sophistication. Perk up — for a minute — and see how you do on this quiz.
1. President Donald Trump’s new agenda includes somehow acquiring …
A. Greenland. B. Finland. C. Better suits.
2. During the 2024 campaign, Trump promised to lower the price of groceries on the first day of his new administration. But before he was inaugurated, he warned it might not happen, explaining …
A. “It’s all Canada’s fault.” B. “If you’ll look at this chart I hung on the wall, you’ll see that a sophisticated reading of the data shows economic trends …” C. “It’s hard to bring things down once they’re up.”
3. When Trump attempted to freeze spending on federal programs, critics argued that Congress had passed a bill during the Nixon era making it clear that the president needs to seek permission to delay spending the lawmakers had specifically approved.
The bill was called …
A. The Impoundment Control Act. B. The Richard Nixon Control Act. C. The We’ve Seen the Future and It Hurts Act.
4. Pete Hegseth was sworn in as secretary of defense after some rather painful hearings focusing on his alleged bad behavior, including excessive drinking and sexual misconduct. Hegseth told lawmakers he’d make a good military leader even though …
A. “I may take an occasional swat at a secretary.” B. “I am not a perfect person.” C. “My hair is, I admit, kinda weird.”
5. Sen. Richard Blumenthal, D-Conn., told Hegseth, a former Fox News host, that while he didn’t have the qualifications to be secretary of defense, “I would support you as …”
A. “A spokesperson for the Pentagon.” B. “A chairman of carousing.” C. “A secretary of sleaze.”
6. When a military helicopter and a civilian plane collided near Washington in a tragic accident, Trump quickly went before cameras and blamed diversity requirements for the crash. When asked to explain, the president said …
A. “Ask Elon Musk.” B. “Because I have common sense, OK?” C. “Oh my Lord, I didn’t really mean to put it that way.”
7. The new secretary of homeland security is Kristi Noem, whom many of us were first introduced to when she wrote an autobiography that included …
A. The tale of her shooting her dog Cricket. B. A made-up anecdote about having met North Korea’s Kim Jong Un. C. Both.
8. Asked in an interview whether he thinks Vice President JD Vance would be his natural successor, Trump said …
A. “No, but he’s very capable.” B. “Are you kidding me?” C. “Yes, and we’ve already agreed that if he wins, I’ll actually run the country.”
9. Ken Martin, the new head of the Democratic National Committee, told reporters that one of the first things on his agenda would be a “postelection review process,” about which he added …
A. “We don’t call it a postmortem or an autopsy because our party’s not dead.” B. “Some people call it a ‘resurrection investigation’ because we’re gonna bring the Democrats back from the grave.” C. “Excuse me, I think I need to lie down.”
10. Trump has barred The Associated Press from the Oval Office and Air Force One because the AP …
A. Kept asking questions that were complicated. B. Declined to refer to the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America. C. Ran an unflattering picture of Melania Trump’s inaugural hat.
11. Perhaps inspired by the president, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick of Texas said he’s starting a drive to rename …
A. New York strip steak “Texas strip.” B. California cabernet “Texas Alamo red.” C. Vermont maple syrup “Texas tree sap.”
12. In her first news conference, Trump’s new press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, gave an example of federal waste, claiming there had been a plan to spend $50 million in funding for condoms in the Gaza Strip. It became clear pretty fast that wasn’t true. The president then …
A. Corrected the story and apologized. B. Said it was really only $40 million in condoms. C. Kept repeating the story.
13. Explaining his plan to have the United States take over Gaza, Trump said …
A. “It’ll be a temporary move, just to encourage international support for a long-term solution.” B. “We’ll own it.” C. “Sometimes I think the press doesn’t understand the difference between a promise and a metaphor.”
14. Observers noted that it appeared Trump was giving an extraordinary number of jobs in his new administration to …
A. People with doctoral degrees. B. Former ambassadors to troubled nations. C. Former hosts and repeat guests on Fox News.
15. Asked by Maria Bartiromo of Fox News whether he’s expecting a recession this year, Trump said …
A. “Lord, no.” B. “I hate to predict things like that.” C. “If it happens, it’s Canada’s fault, and we’re gonna build a wall.”
Ready to score? Here we go:
1-A; 2-C; 3-A; 4-B; 5-A; 6-B; 7-C, 8-A; 9-A; 10-B; 11-A; 12-C; 13-B; 14-C; 15-B
And here’s your rating:
1-5: I hate to say it, but you really need to pay more attention.
6-8: Remember, you need to get a better score than, say, your fifth-grade niece.
9-11: Good chance whatever you didn’t remember was something you deliberately forgot.
12-13: Now, really, you may deserve a little down time.
14-15: There is such a thing as paying too much attention.
Gail Collins is a New York Times columnist.