DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my younger cousins is on the autism spectrum. He’s active, strong and affectionate, and he’s nonverbal.
He’s a toddler, and he participates in therapeutic programs that help stimulate him; he seems to be learning so much.
Naturally, though, like any child, he has some habits — some are fleeting, but some seem harder to step away from (biting, pinching, chewing paper, etc.).
I’ve noticed that when his mom talks about helping him ending some of those habits, she describes it as “fixing” them. I hate to hear that because it implies that something might be broken.
For anyone, changing habits takes time, and words can have a long-lasting impact. I want to say something to her, but she seems defensive.
I’m always wary of commenting on people’s parenting. Even though that’s not exactly what I’m doing, parents always seem to get defensive in that way.
How can I help his mom realize that her child is not something to be “fixed”?
— Stop Fixing
DEAR STOP FIXING: Tread carefully here. Your cousin is doing the best she can with her child, and she is naturally defensive.
Rather than attempting to correct her directly, you may want to model your thinking through your own language. You can talk about children learning how to stop bad habits and replace behaviors with healthier ones. Look for words that describe what she is saying that you find less judgmental, and use them when you are talking to her.
Look for books or articles on helping children adopt healthy habits — especially children on the spectrum — and share them with her. Assure her that you are always looking out for them.
Don’t correct her directly. Share information that may open her eyes to the importance of language.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a trained chef, culinary producer, published recipe author and former caterer.
The television and culinary industries can both be unstable at times. A lot of the work I do is contracted for specific periods of time, meaning it’s always a hustle to get new work.
My last gig (with a major network) ended a few months ago. Since then, it seems there have been some major changes to the network that are resulting in fewer work opportunities.
I don’t know what to do next. Some people have suggested I teach for the time being, but I’m scared. I don’t know how I would fare as a culinary instructor. I’ve done instructional content for social media before, but never to a room full of people who are depending on my expertise to help shape their careers.
How do you know if you’re cut out to instruct others?
— Chef Becomes Teacher
DEAR CHEF BECOMES TEACHER: Teaching is a great way for professionals to share their knowledge and expertise with others, and it has proven to be a safety net for some when work dries up.
Unfortunately, teaching will not likely pay as well as your TV gigs, but it can represent consistent income.
You can get support on how to create a curriculum and learn about teaching methods, even as you also trust your knowledge. You know more than you realize.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.