DEAR HARRIETTE: My long-term partner and I have built a wonderful life together, but there’s one major issue we can’t seem to resolve, which is whether we want kids.
He’s always wanted to have children, and I’ve always been sure that I don’t.
In the beginning of our relationship, this wasn’t a big topic of discussion, but now that we’re getting older, it’s becoming impossible to ignore. He’s made it clear that having a family is important to him, while I can’t imagine my life going in that direction.
We love each other deeply and have a strong relationship in every other way, but I’m afraid this difference is too big to overcome.
I don’t want to be the reason he gives up his dream of becoming a parent, but I also don’t want to force myself into a role I know I don’t want.
Neither of us wants to break up, but I’m struggling to see how we can move forward without resentment or regret.
Is there a way to find a compromise on something this big, or are we simply incompatible in the long run?
— At a Crossroads
DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: This is a tough one as it is fundamental to the creation of family.
What’s most important is that you talk it out completely. Listen to each other, and see if there is a creative idea that may present a compromise.
For example, can you be godparents to your friends’ or siblings’ children so that he can be as integrally involved in a child’s life as they will allow without you having to take on a responsibility that is beyond your capacity? I know people without children who have stepped into that role and experienced profound fulfillment.
If you two cannot come to a meeting of the minds, talk about parting ways. Make this decision together.
From my personal experience, I had decided that I was not going to have children, and my husband knew that. The short version of this story is that 10 years into our marriage, I got pregnant. I now have a 21-year-old daughter and could not be happier. I fully admit that I was wrong. I believe God intervened on my behalf.
That said, don’t allow yourself to be forced into anything. That will not work.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been a journalist for a few years now. As you know, this line of work can be really unpredictable.
About two years ago, I was laid off from my last full-time gig. Since then, I’ve been working freelance doing script writing and copywriting for three to four months at a time. I’ve also been taking brand partnerships as a social media influencer. The money is there, but it is a constant chase and hustle, and to be honest, I think I’m ready to throw in the towel.
Journalism is my true love, but I’m considering going to law school and pursuing entertainment law.
I’m in need of some stability, but I am 36, so I’d be a 40-year-old first-year lawyer. Should I wait out the storm or move on?
— Sad Journalist
DEAR SAD JOURNALIST: I like the idea of law school. That preparation is good for any career, including journalism, as it will make you an expert in a particular area. You don’t have to give up one to do the other.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.