DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of months ago, I got back into the dating scene after focusing on myself for a while.
I met a handsome guy who goes to church, has a good job and is ambitious and sweet. Dating him has been great, and it’s exactly the sort of romance I prefer.
I decided to open up to my friends about this new person, and I learned that a girlfriend of mine dated him a year or two ago.
She says it was very casual, which is a relief. Now, though, the thought of physical intimacy is looming in my mind.
Should I leave this guy alone?
— Lover and Friend
DEAR LOVER AND FRIEND: Did your friend express any reservations about you dating this man? As big as the world seems, we are often reminded how small it turns out to be in terms of our points of connection.
If you had said your friend had been serious with this man and was uncomfortable about you dating him, that could be grounds for reservation on your part, but casual dating a year or more ago does not necessarily send up a red flag.
Ask your friend if there’s anything you should know about your guy that sounds an alarm. Find out what she liked about him — and also why they stopped going out — but do not belabor the point.
Focus on your own relationship with this man. You gave a list of things that you like about him. Go back to that list and see if they remain true.
Take your time getting close to him. If you expect that he will meet your friends, you should also tell him who they are and that when you were talking about dating him, one remarked that she had dated him, too. Observe his reaction to that news. Again, don’t make a big deal out of it.
As far as intimacy goes, when it feels right, you can take that next step. Don’t worry about it until then.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’d like to chime in with some advice to your reader who gets nervous at job interviews.
When I started out in the working world, I would get so nervous in interviews that I would shake and my voice would quiver. A couple of things helped me tremendously.
First, after each interview, I wrote down the questions I was asked and prepared answers for those questions before the next interview. The same questions are often asked in multiple interviews.
Then, I worked on getting excited about my answers. An interviewer once told me my answers were good, but I didn’t have any “pizzazz,” so I worked on showing pizzazz — and I got offers from each of the rest of that round of interviews.
One other thing: At the end of each interview, I would ask each interviewer how I did and got many candid answers that helped me prepare for future interviews.
— Interview Veteran
DEAR INTERVIEW VETERAN: Brilliant strategy on your part. Your proactivity and willingness to learn at each step paid off. Thank you for sharing.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.