DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught by my mother that when one is being toasted, one doesn’t take a sip, as that’s rather like tooting one’s own horn.
When my spouse and I celebrated an anniversary with a party, the guests toasted us with champagne.
When I didn’t sip, one of the guests asked me why, implying that my marriage wasn’t something I wanted celebrated. Yikes!
My choices were to “correct” the guest — not one of my children — or leave the impression that my marriage was less than toast-worthy. Neither option appealed.
How would Miss Manners have handled the situation? Or was my mother wrong all those years ago?
GENTLE READER: No, your mother was right; you should not drink to yourselves. This should be obligatory information given to couples applying for marriage licenses, because not everyone is lucky enough to have such a knowledgeable mother.
Miss Manners does not care for the snippy remark you received, even if meant as a joke. The way to head off such comments is to immediately say, “And we would like to toast our dear friends,” thus enabling you to take a legitimate sip.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love scrapbooking and physical photo albums, and I have several proudly displayed on a shelf in my living room.
We love to entertain, and while guests usually see the albums on the shelf, they rarely ask about them and almost never pull them down to look through!
The albums contain photos of family and friends through the years, and I’d love to share them. I don’t want to commit the faux pas of forcing photo albums on others, but would it be OK for me to strategically place one on my coffee table, to subtly encourage folks to look through it?
GENTLE READER: This is the lower-tech version of passing around your telephone, or, before that, showing home movies of your children’s birthday parties and family vacations. Usually, people only tolerate this in hopes of showing their own pictures.
But while Miss Manners believes you should let this notion go, she will do her duty to help you.
Sure, leave an album or two on the coffee table. But it is not as though your living room is a waiting room, where people will grab anything, even old medical journals, to read.
What you can do is tell an amusing story about one of your friends or relatives, and then ask, “Would you like to see a picture?” Your guests can hardly say no. When you open the album to the person mentioned, you can then hand it to your guest, who may or may not look more into it.
Just please promise that you will take the album back as soon as they try to return it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twenty-five years ago, I adopted a 5-year-old boy from an overseas orphanage. Now he has made contact with his family in his native country. He has discovered he has five siblings and seven nieces and nephews.
What relationship may I claim with these folks? My intent is to recognize his siblings as children of mine as well, and his nieces and nephews as grandchildren.
Some of my relatives have objected to my doing this. We agreed that we would follow your decision. I’m hoping for your blessing!
GENTLE READER: Bless you.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.