DEAR ABBY: I am a single parent of two girls. My oldest, “Becca,” is 17. She has been dating this guy and, as soon as she graduates, plans to move in with him and two of his friends (another couple). What worries me is that their relationship is pretty toxic. They are always fighting. I have begged her not to move in with him, but she won’t budge.
Becca has some abandonment issues. Her mom left us when Becca was a baby, and my second wife was emotionally abusive to everyone before we divorced. I think this is why Becca refuses to see how bad her own relationship is.
How can I show Becca she is making a huge mistake? I don’t want her ending up stuck in a horrible relationship. I’m also worried about her getting pregnant right away because neither of them can control themselves. Please help. — SINGLE DAD IN ARIZONA
DEAR DAD: After a year of fighting with her boyfriend, Becca may change her mind about moving in with him once she graduates. (One can only hope.) However, if she doesn’t, try to arrive at a compromise with her. Tell her you love her, and your door will always be open if she needs to come home.
Ask Becca if she would be willing to start using long-term (reversible) birth control, such as an IUD or contraceptive implant, to ensure she’s protected from an unplanned pregnancy, which could disrupt her life. Your family doctor can explain her options to her if she’s willing. (I’m crossing my fingers that she sees the wisdom.)
DEAR ABBY: Last year, I gave my dad a cool flashlight for his birthday. It was rechargeable and had a feature that made it work as a lantern. He seemed excited about it and later told me again that he’d been using it.
Abby, this week, my dad gave the flashlight back to me as a gift. Not only that, he went on and on about how thoughtful he was in “finding” this unusual gadget for me! He kept asking if I liked it. I said, yes, I thought it was cool, which is the reason I gave it to him last year. He didn’t seem to understand what I was saying and repeatedly asked me to tell him how much I appreciated the gift. I decided not to make a big deal about it, but I think both our feelings were hurt.
Is this kind of forgetfulness a sign of something bigger I should be worried about? He does the typical old man thing of repeating stories from the good ole days, but this sort of outright forgetting is new. — REGIFTED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR REGIFTED: Yes, in addition to repeating stories about the “good ole days,” something like this IS cause for concern. If your mother is still in the picture, mention to her how out of character this was of your father. Ask if she has noticed any changes. If she has, suggest that when he sees his doctor for his next physical, he is evaluated neurologically to be sure nothing is wrong. If he lives alone, discuss this with your siblings, if you have any, and suggest that “someone” accompany Dad to his next medical appointment.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)