DEAR ABBY: My younger brother, “Paul,” is 40 and in a rut. He became friends with a friend of mine, “Mitch,” whom I met in college. Paul also became good friends with Mitch’s wife, “Iris.” After a year of close friendship, my brother made a pass at Mitch’s wife during a BBQ. He was promptly asked to leave, and they have ceased contact with him.
It has been a year since Mitch spoke to Paul. Mitch has no interest in rekindling the relationship. My brother is convinced that Mitch’s wife will leave her husband for him, despite the fact that there has been no communication and she never expressed an interest.
Paul has a longtime therapist who is aware of the issue. I’m concerned that my brother is wasting his life pining after someone who is not an option for him. He has never been married, doesn’t have children and lives in an isolated mountain area. He is also jobless and mostly living off an inheritance. I know all of this because it’s all Paul ever talks about.
Today, I told him I’m done entertaining this delusion and won’t talk to him until he makes some changes. I know I’m venting, but I need to know if I made the right move. Did I? — WITNESS TO A DISASTER
DEAR WITNESS: I don’t think you should completely cease contact with your very mixed-up brother. I do think that if Paul turns a conversation to the subject of Iris, you would be doing him a favor to point out that a relationship with her isn’t going to happen. Then turn the conversation toward things that might help him, including finding a job that will make him less isolated and booking more sessions with his therapist.
DEAR ABBY: I have known my best friend, “Carl,” and his wife for 30 years. We do everything together: cruises, holidays, birthdays, etc. They allow (and enable) their boxer dog to go after innocent cats and squirrels. It’s like it’s a game. The dog does not know any different.
I recently adopted two indoor cats. I live in the country, and I also have a 5-year-old Lab that would not hurt a bunny. I can no longer allow Carl and his wife to visit because they (mainly she) have allowed their dog to terrorize the kittens and squirrels in their neighborhood. I know she will make me out to be a villain and refuse to come if the dog cannot. Carl and I keep avoiding the conversation. Any advice? — APPALLED IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR APPALLED: As I see it you have two choices. Either HAVE the conversation you have been avoiding or visit your friend only at their home or on neutral territory. Frankly, I’m surprised the owners of some of those innocent cats haven’t informed the authorities that a vicious dog harmed or killed their pet. If you witnessed such a thing, recognizing Carl’s wife is sadistic, you should have made the call.
P.S. Why are you still friends with creeps like this?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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