DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, I introduced my close, longtime friend, Nora, to Lauren, an acquaintance who’s the wife of my husband’s boss.
To my delight, they hit it off — so much so that a few months ago, they decided to go on a three-week trip together.
The vacation was a disaster. The women fought constantly. As my close friend, Nora spared me no details.
I will most likely have to socialize soon with Lauren and her husband. How should I respond if she asks me what Nora said about her and their trip together? I have a feeling she will ask. The last thing I want is to inflame the situation and to be placed in a tight spot.
Can I pretend I don’t know anything, other than that they had a good time?
GENTLE READER: One generally assumes that the boss’s wife is not the pork-chop-throwing type of hostess, but given your friend’s reports from the trip, you are right to be prepared.
A ready answer to a question of, “Did you hear about the trip?” can save you from having to outright lie: “Oh? How was it? Did you two have a wonderful time?”
If the boss’s wife is smart, she will also be prepared: “It was such a remarkable place. Are you and your husband getting away this summer?” But if she is not, you will be able to listen passively until an opportunity presents itself to run away.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other night, around 6 p.m., my mother-in-law came to our house without a call or text. Just randomly showed up and started talking to us in the dining room.
I was in the middle of cooking dinner and had timed it so that I could do other things while the food was in the oven. That was interrupted when she came by.
After 15 minutes, I took the food out, added sauce and put it back in for an additional 5 minutes. She saw me do this, and instead of leaving since it was clearly our dinnertime, she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down! I’m not sure how she failed to read the room.
What is the best way to let her know, without seeming rude, that she should call or text before just popping in?
GENTLE READER: This was not just any guest, and the term mother-in-law carries often-unjust overtones that are irrelevant to your situation.
If your husband’s mother wants to drop by unannounced and stay for dinner, and your husband is unwilling to toss her out, you are stuck. But Miss Manners does not see why this should ruin your night.
Set her a place at the table. After dinner, she can sit with the rest of the family while you go about your evening. If she is still around when the kids go to sleep, your husband can sit with her while you catch up on work — or on a good book.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.