DEAR ABBY: My youngest son, age 27, has been clean and sober for two years, having survived the horrible addiction of fentanyl.
I helped nurse him back to health. It wasn’t easy, but he is alive today.
However, with this sobriety, a new person is emerging who is critical of and condescending to his siblings and to me. He finds flaws in all of us that “disgust him,” and therefore, he has chosen to no longer engage with us.
He claims he is telling “his truth” and only “right or wrong” exists for him anymore. He has no problem with hurting our feelings as that is “our problem” and he “won’t cater to society’s norms anymore.”
I come to him from a place of love and acceptance, and I tell him this all the time. He tells me I’m delusional and living a lie.
I don’t know what to do or say anymore.
He’s willing to walk away from our family if we can’t come to a place of “mutual understanding,” which is his way. I’m about ready to walk away from him because I’m tired of his tirades and his putting everyone down.
What should I do?
— DISILLUSIONED MOM IN MINNESOTA
DEAR MOM: Is it possible that in order to gain his sobriety, your son joined some sort of cultlike program? His treatment of you and his siblings is neither normal nor acceptable.
If you prefer to save yourself the heartache and end his verbal abuse, you have the right to distance yourself until he straightens out.
DEAR ABBY: I received a Facebook message from my first cousin. In it, she apologized for not communicating for the past 10 months. It ended with, “Send me your address so I can send you a birth announcement.”
Abby, I wasn’t even aware that she had been pregnant. I contacted her father, who said the child was born two months ago.
This cousin is not a teen or unwed. She’s a professional and married. I am puzzled, not only because I wasn’t told, but mainly because her message did not announce the birth, other than referencing that an announcement would be mailed.
Frankly, I’m confused and not interested in feigning sudden interest in a situation I was excluded from knowing about. I can’t help but assume the purpose of the mailed announcement is a gift grab, coming months after the child’s arrival.
Your thoughts?
— LEFT IN THE DARK
DEAR LEFT: Heaven only knows what may have happened with your cousin. There may be much more to this story than the fact that you were “excluded.” There may have been problems with your cousin’s pregnancy or with her baby, which your relatives were reluctant to share.
Please don’t start a grudge unless you have facts that indicate otherwise. Act appropriately, send a little something for that baby, along with a supportive message, and you will have fewer regrets.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.