DEAR ABBY: My husband has a female friend he grew up with. They have exchanged “happy birthday” texts for many years. However, they have recently begun texting more often. An example: One night he was mixing a drink and texted her about whether to use Pepsi or Coke.
On his birthday, I watched for her text and saw it had two heart emojis on either side of her message. This bothered me a great deal, and I told him his flirting via texting needed to stop. He says I’m being unreasonable and he is doing nothing wrong. This has caused a rift between us.
Abby, AM I unreasonable? I did see a therapist who said my husband has an emotional relationship with this woman and I had every right to be upset. The therapist also said he should stop because I am his wife and he sees how much this upsets me. My husband’s response? “Well, you told the therapist YOUR side of the story.” We have been married 18 years and together for 24. He is a good partner, and I do love him. What is your advice? — SUSPICIOUS IN IOWA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your husband had a point when he said your therapist has heard only one side of the story. You have been married to a “good partner” for 18 years and together for 24. If your husband hasn’t shown signs of straying before, it’s unlikely he’s doing anything more than communicating with an old friend. Hearts included in a text message may seem effusive, but they aren’t necessarily declarations of romantic love. Some joint sessions with an unbiased marriage and family therapist may help to calm your fears. I heartily recommend it.
DEAR ABBY: I am in a warm and loving relationship. We have been together 20 years. We both were married before to horrible people. We both said in the beginning that we did not want to remarry. However, as we are getting older and my health is not so good, I would like to marry him.
I have hinted a couple of times that I would like a ring for Christmas or my birthday. Nothing has gotten through. How can I bring this up to him? Also, if he’s set against marriage, how do I talk to him about power of attorney and stuff? — EYE TO THE FUTURE IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR EYE: A ring should be the least of your concerns. You are long overdue for a serious conversation with your partner. If he were to have a medical emergency, would he want you to make medical decisions about his care? The same is true for financial decisions. Does he have a will? Do you?
You both should be talking about this with an attorney who can guide you. You should also have health care directives in place and shared with your doctor. If, after 20 years with you, this man is still marriage-phobic, there are ways you can be protected that don’t involve a trip to the altar. Please start exploring them NOW.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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