DEAR ABBY: We recently hosted an event at home, and one couple showed up an hour and a half early! I thought it was incredibly rude. Thankfully, I wasn’t in the shower or only partially dressed. I was in the middle of food preparation and house cleaning, and too frazzled to say anything.
My partner entertained them while I finished preparing for the party, but I had planned on using his help for a few last-minute tasks. These guests have also nicknamed our children despite our repeatedly politely correcting them. How do we better establish firm boundaries? — SEETHING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SEETHING: A way to do that would be to tell these people (I hope they aren’t relatives) you prefer they not arrive early because you are not prepared to entertain them. If they ignore your request and show up early again, DO NOT LET THEM IN.
As to their addressing your children by nicknames in spite of your asking them to refrain, quit “asking.” Tell them it is offensive, and if it happens again, you will no longer invite them over.
DEAR ABBY: My sister, brother and I lost our mom to dementia six months ago. We needed to start cleaning out the house. My brother, who lives in assisted living, was unable to help.
When I mentioned to my sister that I was going to start cleaning out the kitchen, she told me she didn’t want me there alone. I told her when a person offers to help, the polite thing to say is thank you. Well, she hasn’t spoken to me in the last five months. She and her husband have taken to cleaning out the house on their own.
I know my sister has personality disorders. Her doctor told that to my mom from the time sis was a teen. She won’t take my calls. I have apologized 100 times. What now? — SAD SISTER IN ARIZONA
DEAR SISTER: When someone with a personality disorder is also suffering from an emotional stressor such as grief, they are, to put it mildly, not at their best.
Did your sister object to you going to the house because she was afraid you would take something without telling her? Did your mother leave a will describing what she wanted you, your sister and your brother to have in the event of her death? What is supposed to be done with the house and its contents?
Because your sister won’t accept or answer your calls, seek out a lawyer for guidance.
DEAR READERS: Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. His words ring as true today as when he first uttered them: “Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)