DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a children’s birthday party at a well-known pizza place where tables are reserved for a few hours and the children can play games.
My group arrived 10 minutes late to find that the other guests, including the parents of the other kids, were already being served. I didn’t really mind, because my party did not include kids.
However, another group that arrived 20 minutes after the start time did include children, and they didn’t get any pizza: The host refused to order for them because they were late. The poor kids were devastated.
Should the host have ordered more food for the latecomers, especially since the other parents were eating food meant for the children?
GENTLE READER: Put another way, was the host correct to publicly chastise the parents and punish them, and their children, by withholding food? Miss Manners is confident you already know the answer is no.
A more interesting question is how the group that arrived after you should have responded. Many adults will think that the host’s rudeness justifies an angry response — and of course, that would vastly entertain the children. But that would be wrong.
They should order their own food and be charming to the birthday child — and icily proper with the host.
If the children are of an age to understand, one can take satisfaction in explaining the lesson in the car on the way home — namely, that one’s behavior demonstrates one’s character. We behave well because we are good, decent people. Johnny’s mom was rude because … she is not.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately it has seemed that the phrases “We’re pregnant” and “They’re pregnant” have been subsumed into acceptable usage.
Although I’m not a doctor, last time I checked, only women get pregnant. There is no biological reality where a woman and her partner are both pregnant with the same baby. Hence, “My partner is pregnant” or “They’re expecting” are more accurate.
I understand that society is ablaze with inclusive pronouns, but this is beyond the pale.
Only one person will be wrangling the actual pregnancy. There is no “we” when she’s vomiting, being painfully kicked from inside her body, or going through the trials of labor and delivery. Her risk of severe problems from pregnancy and childbirth should at least allow her to own the condition.
GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners believes that those you condemn likely grasp basic biology, and are referring to their shared commitment, she finds herself more interested in a fundamental question of our time.
That is: When is it right to be angry about others’ harmless choices? And its corollary: When does the correctness of one’s position justify gagging etiquette and locking her in the closet?
Contrary to popular opinion, the answer to both questions is “almost never.”
You are clearly not going to use plural pronouns for your own or your partner’s possible pregnancies. But please refrain from accosting couples who do.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.