For a moment, I was afraid I was going to die.
I just felt weird, at first, but things quickly became ominous.
There was a burning sensation in the middle of my chest. Soon, my breathing was labored, coming in short, fast-paced breaths. My arms and legs felt so weak, I was unable to open a small bottle of water, and I needed a hand to stand up. A friend helped me to his car and drove me to the emergency room.
My blood pressure was through the roof — something like 170 over 120.
When I saw those numbers, I knew something terrible was happening. But I had no answers and neither did the doctors and nurses who looked after me.
I was examined. I took blood tests. I had an X-ray and an EKG. As I laid in my hospital bed, waiting for the results, my mind wandered into some dark places.
“Is this the end? Have I run out of time? But there’s so much more for me to see and do,” I thought. “I want to see my daughters continue their journey into womanhood. I want to see them fully develop and flourish. And there are so many dreams I haven’t fulfilled, so many projects I haven’t finished, so many plans I haven’t started.”
Eventually, things began to settle, and my blood pressure came down. The tests showed no signs of a cardiac event. The emergency room doctor had no firm explanation. He urged me to follow up with my primary care physician for additional tests and monitoring. After several hours in the ER, I was cleared to leave.
Taking ‘real vacations’ to decompress
Even though I have no idea what happened to me that day — Friday, Sept. 6, 2024 — the experience truly crystallized things for me.
With no indication that the end is in sight, I’ve grown complacent. As each day passes, I’ve felt that I have plenty of time left and numerous opportunities to do all of the things I’d like to accomplish. But I was wrong to think that way.
I understand that my days are numbered. While I don’t know how many of them I have left, I’m totally clear that I will run out of time one day. I also realized that I’ve wasted so many of the 20,000-plus days I’ve already had. My to-do list has been years in the making, and it has grown to include dozens of unfulfilled promises, plans and resolutions.
I walked out of the ER that day realizing that things have to change.
For starters, I have to take better care of my health. At 55, I’m well into a stage of life where poor health can shave not years but decades off of your life. I accepted a friend’s invitation to eat meat- and dairy-free during the month of October as a way to kick-start a more health-conscious lifestyle. After completing the month — with only a handful of minor infractions — I see that it can be done, and I’ve decided to continue my vegan journey for the foreseeable future. During this time, I feel like my body is telling me it appreciates the change. I haven’t felt the indigestion and stomach aches to which I’ve grown accustomed.
After nearly two years since my last doctor’s visit, I’ve had two follow-up appointments and a stress test for my heart. All signs remain positive, but I’ve received strict orders from my doctor to get my cholesterol levels down, cut back on the alcohol and resume an exercise routine.
And my weekends are transforming from lazy days to unwind from the week on my professional job to structured days devoted to working on my personal goals. I’m now devoting “real” vacations to relax and decompress — the kind of vacations that last more than a week and require planning and travel.
While I still struggle with procrastination, I’m much more present to the costs of it.
Time is our most valuable asset, our most precious resource. Yet, it is perhaps the commodity we squander the most.
But we don’t have an infinite supply of time, and once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. Be mindful of the time you’ve wasted, and take advantage of the time you have left. But don’t wait; start now, because you just don’t know how much of it you have left.
Alden Loury is data projects editor for WBEZ and writes a column for the Sun-Times.
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