DEAR ABBY: My niece is getting married. We have received a wedding invitation, RSVP and all, but it’s addressed only to my 11-year-old twin daughters.
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My husband and I are not invited to the wedding or to the reception. There’s been no communication as to how child care will be provided for both events.
Puzzled, I texted my niece and expressed a desire to talk about a possible disharmony in our relationship and resolving whatever may be troubling her about me or what I may have done.
She texted back saying that her wedding is “intimate” and she’s only inviting people she’s close to and who play an active role in her life. She hopes I can respect her decision and still allow my daughters to attend.
Granted, we’re not super close, but any differences we’ve ever had, I have spearheaded to communicate, apologize and move forward with solutions and reassurances.
My niece often has her mother (my sister) ask me if she can spend time with my daughters, and when I agree to come over with them, she tells her mom to tell me, “You’re not invited, just the girls.”
I know something is amiss, but she refuses to talk, just text. This kind of conversation cannot be had via text.
I will respect all my niece’s decisions, but I feel she is making passive-aggressive statements about how she feels about me. My daughters don’t want to go and are hurt that she treats me so poorly.
More importantly, how can I encourage a close relationship between her and my daughters when she has a history of not respecting me and how I want my daughters cared for?
— EXCLUDED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR EXCLUDED: I suspect that your niece may be attempting to turn your daughters into pawns to try to antagonize you. I do not think you should send them to a family celebration from which you are excluded, particularly in light of the fact that they aren’t eager to go.
Neither do I think you should encourage them to have a close relationship with someone as manipulative as your niece appears to be. If she has a bone to pick with you, she should do it directly so it can be sorted out.
In the meantime, please don’t play her game, because that is what this is.
DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, I separated from my husband of many years due to his infidelity. I moved back to my hometown and am working to improve myself and build a happier life.
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While I have no interest in him anymore, I still find myself putting off the task of actually filing for divorce. How can I motivate myself to get this important step done?
— READY TO FILE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR READY: You are still a work in progress. When you are ready for a happier life, perhaps if you meet someone and want to form a permanent relationship, you will be motivated to sever that last bond.
In the meantime, consult an attorney about any possible risk, including financial, in remaining legally married to your husband.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.