DEAR HARRIETTE: My 17-year-old daughter recently posted a picture of herself on Instagram. She was so excited because the photos were from a concert where her favorite band performed.
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Someone she thought was her friend took a screenshot of that photo and used it in an incredibly hurtful way: She posted the picture on a private Snapchat story and cruelly made fun of my daughter, calling her ugly and encouraging others to laugh at her.
When my daughter found out, she was devastated.
She’s always been pretty confident, but this has really shaken her. It’s hard enough being a teenager these days with all the pressures of social media, body image and fitting in, and to have someone she trusted turn around and publicly humiliate her like this is just too much.
Should I try to intervene and speak to this girl’s parents or reach out to the school to see if there’s anything they can do? My daughter doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it because she’s embarrassed, but I can’t just stand by and do nothing.
— Cyber Hazing
DEAR CYBER HAZING: You cannot fix this, so stand down for now. You don’t want to risk further embarrassment for your daughter.
Support her from the sidelines by explaining that some people are mean-spirited, like this person she thought was a friend. Your daughter should walk away from her. She has proven to be a bad friend. As much as it hurts, she should ignore her and make the effort to live her life and build new friendships.
If the girl continues to bully her, encourage your daughter to speak to the principal, and offer to help if she takes that step.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 67 years old, and recently my 19-year-old cat passed away. I was sad about her death, but I came to terms with it more easily than I had expected.
My husband and I recently became empty-nesters, and with the passing of our cat, we have no responsibilities other than looking after ourselves. I’ve always had a passion for travel, but I was unable to because I was busy raising my children and taking care of my cat. Now I find myself with the time and freedom to explore the world, and I was excited to do so.
A few days ago, I mentioned to my children that I missed my cat, but I didn’t realize they would take that statement so seriously. In an effort to cheer me up, they surprised me with a kitten.
While I appreciate their thoughtfulness, I have to admit I’m a bit irritated by the situation. This kitten, being so young, could live for another 20 years, and I’m not sure I’m ready to make that kind of commitment again. As much as I miss my old cat, I was looking forward to having the flexibility to travel and live more spontaneously now that both my children and my pets have moved on.
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Do you think I should give the kitten back to my children?
— Moving On
DEAR MOVING ON: Gather your children and speak to them in person. Thank them for being so thoughtful, but explain that while you appreciate their generosity, you no longer want a pet.
Tell them your plans to see the world and how a pet makes that impossible. Invite them to take in the cat themselves or return it to be rehomed.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.