DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for 14 years. A few months ago, his mother told us she had inherited a home that had belonged to her parents, and she wanted to gift it to us.
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I was skeptical because any gift from her comes with tons of strings attached.
We were told it would take a few months to get the paperwork in order, so in the meantime, could we help with the upkeep of the property until we move in? We agreed, but she dictates the day and time.
My fiance and I have two days off each week. On one of them, we are off together, and on the other we aren’t. We planned it that way.
Well, ever since he has been helping with the upkeep, my fiance’s mom insists it be done on our day off. She says it’s because her husband is also off.
Am I wrong to be upset that my fiance chooses to do the upkeep on “our” day off vs. his day off? This has been consistent for the last three or four weeks.
I called his mother and asked if he could just come on his day off. Her response was, “Oh well, you’ll be living here soon enough, and he can do it whenever,” but she also said her husband will still come to help, which makes me think this will be something I will be dealing with forever.
Any advice?
— STRINGS ATTACHED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR STRINGS: Grit your teeth, count your blessings and accept reality. This won’t last forever, and in the end, you will be richer for it.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 49 and recently divorced, and I have had to stay with my mother for months.
During this time, she has made me a budget, opens my mail and treats me like I am 5 years old. She has done this all my life.
I have severe anxiety, and she is part of it. For some reason, I can’t tell her to back off. Do you have any suggestions?
— ADULT NOW IN FLORIDA
DEAR ADULT NOW: Yes, I sure do. If you are still living with your mother, move as soon as possible or have your mail delivered to a post office box.
Because you suffer from severe anxiety, consult a therapist who can help you to control it as well as give you the tools to handle your probably well-meaning but overbearing mother. Then speak up and let her know how you feel.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter lives nearby. I am blessed to spend lots of time with her boys. We decided that gifts to them (as much as possible) should be experiences.
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We have gone to kid museums, been snow tubing and hired a fishing guide. We have also visited a bookstore to browse for hours before picking out books, and have taken them on dinner and lunch dates, special summer picnics and hikes.
I think my grandkids will remember the times spent together far more than toys that break, get lost or become outgrown. What do you think?
— GIFTING MORE IN COLORADO
DEAR GIFTING: I not only “think,” I know you are right. The shared experiences they are having with you are priceless.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.