DEAR HARRIETTE: I would love some advice on how not to feel behind in life compared to my friends.
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I am going into my last year of college, and all my friends are doing things to take steps toward their careers. One friend is off to New York City and another to Dallas, both to work in finance. Two of my friends graduated a year early and are taking gap years before applying to medical school. My best friend is doing mathematics research at a prestigious university.
I, however, have nothing, no internship or research project. I don’t even have a regular summer job working at a cafe or retail store.
I am trying to go into law and have applied to several internships, but I haven’t heard back from any of them, and it is now May. I feel like such a loser. Junior-year internships are important to help get experience on your résumé, and now I won’t have that.
Are there any ideas on how to feel more confident in my future and my abilities to figure out a plan?
— Failure
DEAR FAILURE: One of the worst things you can do is compare yourself to others, yet it seems impossible to avoid.
Instead of bemoaning your situation, decide that you will create a plan that will support your dreams. Look for places where you can volunteer. What are your interests outside of the law? Or even within the law, what areas fascinate you the most? What charitable organizations are in your area that service the causes that matter to you? Look for large and small organizations. Sometimes smaller ones with tighter budgets are in greater need of help.
Go to their offices with a résumé in hand, and offer to help them with whatever they are doing. Explain your passion for their cause. If it connects to your career path, all the better.
My point is if you work hard, you should be able to find a place to volunteer that will give you experience and show your care for others. When you get the “job,” work as if you are making a million dollars. Your excellent effort can turn into a fantastic reference letter — and who knows what else.
DEAR HARRIETTE: What is your take on the idea that the sensation of butterflies in the stomach when dating someone new doesn’t always signify a perfect match, but rather signals a caution from our inner self that this person might not be the most suitable fit?
How can I differentiate between initial infatuation and genuine compatibility?
— Butterflies in the Stomach
DEAR BUTTERFLIES IN THE STOMACH: Great question! I don’t know the scientific definition for this, but I do know that sometimes people can meet and have a physical reaction to the other person.
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It can be visceral, immediate and intense. Yes, it is real, and yes, it doesn’t always point to a match made in heaven, so to speak.
Intensity can be great in a relationship, but my experience says that a long-term bond is built on respect, mutual interests, trust and an ongoing commitment to appreciate and uplift the other person. That comes with time and experience.
Perhaps that initial spark that some people feel when they meet someone new is nature’s way of getting you to pay attention to each other. What you do with what you have ignited will show you whether the relationship is worth cultivating.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.