How to make a relationship work if it started with cheating

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New relationships are supposed to be happy and exciting, but cheating can bring that all crashing down — it can be way more than just a little complication.
However, cheating doesn’t mean the end of the relationship, nor does it mean the beginning of the end of the relationship.
INSIDER turned to experts to figure out how couples can make a relationship work when it starts with cheating.
After someone cheat, good communication is essential.
New boundaries are a must.

At the beginning of a new relationship, things should be exciting and, generally, happy. It’s called the “honeymoon stage” for a reason, after all. But when cheating happens at the very beginning of the relationship, those happy, butterflies-in-your-stomach feelings can become heavier and more conflicted. Cheating, of course, complicates things and, in some cases, can, in fact, be the end of the relationship, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Experts say that there are things that you can do to make the relationship work — even when it starts with cheating — if that’s what you want to do.

“Cheating does not have to represent a death sentence for a relationship,” Anahid Lisa Derbabian, MA, LPC, NCC, a licensed professional counselor, told INSIDER. “When a relationship begins with infidelity and the lies and deception around it, a couple can turn the corner and create a healthy relationship if they are ready for deeper work, such as connecting deeply with themselves and each other, experiencing healing, and very real communication.”

If a relationship starts with cheating, there’s a level of dishonesty, betrayal, and a lack of communication. So it’s understandable that there’s a lot of potential obstacles when either you or your partner cheats at the beginning of your relationship.

The relationship isn’t necessarily destined for failure.

“Difficulty establishing trust in a relationship that began with cheating is inevitable,” Dr. Michele Leno, PhD, LD, the founder of DML Psychological Services, told INSIDER. “While the relationship is not automatically doomed, it will require a great deal of patience and and reassurance to work.”

First you have to determine whether or not you want the relationship to work out and reflect on if each of you are truly committed to the relationship or not. “If you have a strong readiness to go deep and learn more about yourself and your significant other, then the relationship has a good chance to overcome the the challenge,” Derbabian said.

One of the things that you need to do if you’re going to fight for your relationship after it begins with an episode of cheating is focus on being forthcoming and transparent. With cheating, there’s a lot of secrecy, and one of the best ways to rebuild the trust that’s been lost is by being transparent with one another, even when things are difficult.

“All relationships start with a necessary level of transparency as you’re getting to know one another,” Anna Osborn, MA, LPCC, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told INSIDER. “Relationships that start when cheating has occurred need to …read more

Source:: Business Insider


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