The way a narcissist’s brain works can help unravel whether they mean to hurt their partners or not


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Being in a relationship with a narcissist is hard work.
They are very insecure and sensitive people, which means they can take offence very easily.
This can end up in couples having the same arguments over and over again.
Sometimes they are unaware of being abusive to their partners, but other times they will genuinely want to cause them harm.
Ultimately, as their partner, you have to decide whether the hard work is worth it for you in the long run.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will have been through a roller-coaster of ups and downs.

At the beginning, everything would have been wonderful. You might have even thought you’d found your soul mate. But after a while, things started to go sour.

This is because after a few weeks, months, or even years, the narcissist will no longer see any value in you. As soon as they realise you are a real human being, and thus flawed, they struggle to see the use of you any more. They’ll start blaming you for things, shouting at you, or even break up with you, leaving you to try and work out what went wrong.

But for many reasons, it is hard to answer the question: “Do narcissists mean to hurt people?”

Narcissists get offended very easily

Elinor Greenberg, a therapist and author of the book “Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety,” told Business Insider that narcissists are ultra-sensitive by definition.

“Narcissists are self-protective, and they have their antenna out for disrespect, or for someone taking something from them, and underneath they’re very insecure,” she said. “You have a whole range of people who are hyper-sensitive, lack empathy, for one reason or another, they don’t feel bad when you feel bad, so they can hurt you without realising it.”

Despite this, a narcissist’s own feelings can be hurt very easily. Because of their high sensitivity, any small thing their partner does can be seen as an attack, and any situation where they are not their partner’s focus is very difficult for them.

“For whatever reason, you’re seeing a person who is wildly insecure, and has no real inner confidence that they can depend on,” Greenberg said. “They depend on external validation.”

Without this constant validation by their partner, the narcissist isn’t getting what they want, and they end up seeking it elsewhere. This is why many narcissists often end up cheating.

In the heat of a moment, narcissists can come across incredibly cruel. They say things that many people would really struggle to say to someone they supposedly love. Greenberg said this is because of something called “object constancy.”

“Object constancy refers to the ability, if someone does something that disappoints you, to put that in the context of the whole relationship,” Greenberg said. “I may feel hurt and disappointed but I don’t hate you. You’re still the person who’s my dear friend, and it’s in context. If you don’t have object constancy, there is no context.”

In other words, the …read more

Source:: Businessinsider – Life

      

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